Late Night Reflecting…
It’s 2:06 AM right now. I can’t sleep because I’ve spent most of the day sleeping. As usual I’m thinking about random things. I’m reflecting on what’s happened so far since the summer. Over summer I dedicated myself to release some of the sadness and hurt that I’d been feeling for months previously. I had an AMAZING summer. I began school in the fall and surprises came my way. I would’ve NEVER thought to meet a very attractive and funny guy who would soon become my very first boyfriend and my very first relationship. I’m smiling really hard just thinking about him lol. For once in the love/relationship department I’m actually doing pretty well. In terms of academics/career/life decisions, somewhere in the middle of everything that was going on, I felt I began to lose motivation. I began to lose some of the vision of the path that I set myself out for in the summer. I’ve thought about that loss of motivation for a while. I’m not sure why or where it came from seeing as other things in my life are going so great. I guess partially it’s laziness and maybe even distraction. I’ve been on winter break for 3 weeks now and it’s been mostly uneventful and lonely. Things at home aren’t really peachy. Things that I saw so stable and so comforting are changing. Negativity was rolling it’s way back in again. I’m trying to find a space for me where I can bring in some positivity again. I’m trying to find happiness again. At least for now I’m motivated again to work for something. It’s funny how we all try find happiness isn’t? it’s different for everyone and sometimes I wonder and think about the places where I find happiness and who helps me get there. All of this thinking is pretty refreshing. I can see happiness in the near future and I plan to bounce back from the lack of motivation.
….These are the kinds of things I think about at night when I can’t sleep….
